Saturday, June 6, 2009

Negotiate and live

To the untrained eye, my Stefanie is a pain. She will assert herself and argue. She will prove her point to the last breath. For her, it is "my way or the highway." Yes, it gets to my nerve. Why let a 4 year old run your house? Now, this may sound ironic but I think Stefanie is doing an excellent job.

In life, we are always negotiating. Depending on where you are coming from, you will either be viewed as demanding or obedient. The way my daughter carries herself, people will see her as someone who can throw the nastiest of tantrums. As her dad though, I am proud of her conviction.

Shiela and I do not know how to spoil Stefanie, but we can be democratic with our household management style. At times, we want our daughter to be a part of the decision-making process to produce a more positive reaction. All the same, we recognize the occasions when a directional style would suit Stefanie best.

In the real world, I want our daughter to continue negotiating. I want her to perfect the art of the deal. It will be useful in life and in business.


Mom's Fortress of Solitude said...

As an adult, negotiation is a way of life. As a parent, it is wonderful that you are allowing your little one to have a say.

However, there's a fine line between negotiation and manipulation. I love the fact that you and your wife see the need for direction, if she should cross that line.

Too many parents these days let their children run all over them . . . knowing realizing where to draw the line.

It's refreshing to see a set of parents geared toward molding their child's future, while simultaneously, teaching their child that everyone has boundaries.

You guys are wonderful parents!


Prodigal Son 35 said...

Hi Angela,

Thanks for dropping by and giving your thoughts.

I wish we, as parents, could really make a claim that we are indeed wonderful parents.


Anonymous said...

That is so true!
I myself rarely meets people, who are more stubborn than me, but I did have quite the argument with one today. Perhaps the reason I feel inspired by your blog post.

If children do not learn how to argue for their case, they will be run over by those who do. We all want influence, and one way or the other we all get it. The over-dog/under-dog principle is working at all times. So the most decent thing to do is actually just to state ones opinions as clear and confident as possible.

That is also the way good results happen. Those who get influence by silent disapproval are the direct cause of things going in a wrong direction. So you are not only doing your daughter a favor, but in it's own way you are making society a better place to be. :D

- Malene (skeptic empath, thank you for adding me!)

Liggy said...

I understand what you mean about letting your child have a say in the decision-making. Even if you choose not to go with the child's choice, I agree that it helps the child learn to make better decisions later in life. I try to teach my kids the same...and if I don't go with their say, I explain why.

I do that because I didn't like growing up and not being allowed to have a say in anything. It made me feel like I wasn't important and it took me a lot of "growing up" on my own to unlearn that awful feeling.

Prodigal Son 35 said...

Hi Malene,

Thanks for dropping by.

I feel elated that you were inspired by my blog. Your comment inspires me too.

I wish my two daughters grow up to become good citizens of the world.

Prodigal Son 35 said...

Hi Liggy,

We are on the same page.


egenie said...

It is important to not make a child timid, as it will effect their adult life. Looking back on raising my son, I wish I would have tried to get him involved in more social activities, 4-H, boy scouts, etc..

Prodigal Son 35 said...

hi egenie,

thanks for dropping by. i will try to get my daughters involved in more social activities so that i will not need to look back. thanks for the tip.