Living in a box

Ages ago, my veiled socials were scary. I was not hooked into the usual party stuff; my festivities were private. All were exhilarating moments, but they were never guilt-free.

Presently, my life revolves around family and work. No extra-curricular spices whatsoever; however, I am content. The joy is simple yet full of meaning. Witnessing the light of day to provide means for my family and enjoying the nightfall with their eager cuddle are all that matter.

Without much socials, I may be living in a box, but I do not care. I am happy.

The tale of 4 fathers

I could not ask for any more fathers. I have more than a handful. Perhaps I could ask for more time to understand the past. On the other hand, I realize that the limited interactions which took place are somehow adequate for me to learn from.

Dad 1 may have given up so easily on his marriage to see me take my very first baby steps and be there to catch me when I fall. Whatever his reasons are or the circumstances were, I respect them. Relationships are two-way streets, even the most well-intended unions are vulnerable.

However, what I will always remember are the mistakes that he could have avoided. Maybe he could have not written to me about accepting the fact that I was to grow up without a father. A kid who has not even perfected his arithmetic would definitely be discouraged with calculus. Also, it could have been less traumatic to politely get off the phone than to tell your child not to call ever again. I promised myself not to do the same to my two little girls. I could be out of sight from my Nicole but never brusquely out of love. Her mom knows that very well.

Now, Dad 1 and I are slowly reconnecting. Indeed there is a lot of catching up to do. At least, he is seeing my Stefanie take her own baby steps.

I would like to thank Dad 1 for part of my education, my toughness in facing the realities of life, and for my grandmother who loved me dearly.

Dad 2 was too young to get a grip of the responsibilites that came with formal partnerships. It will take more than love to make relationships work. Emotional maturity and financial capability are likewise essentials.

He came at the right time though. When mom needed stability and I required paternal attention, Dad 2 was there.

The invaluable contribution of Dad 2 is Paolo, my brother. It could not have been any better.

I am looking forward to the day when I would see Dad 2 back to church.

Dad 3 is mom's partner for life. Paolo and I are overjoyed to witness mom experiencing true love that she never had and settling with a lifelong companion that she deserves. He has his shortcomings, but who does not? While now old and gray, his affection is undying.

Mom's purpose for him and their relationship altogether has become apparent in recent years: for him to be brought closer to God and for mom to succeed in strengthening her faith. Nothing is easy, but the rewards are great.

The physical distance between Dad 3 and us kids was never an impediment for him to make us feel loved. It is so comfortable and natural to communicate our affection for each other.

Dad 4, my father-in-law, is a real father to my wife and me. We share laughters and sorrows together. A man of few words, his actions speak loud and bold. Dad 4 does not need to vocalize his love; his cradle is always assuring.

He is a self-made, hard-working man. I am just in awe of the things that he does for his family and the sacrifices that he has to endure. Probably such deeds are normal of a good father. I am delighted to be learning the ropes from him.

I thank Dad 4 for my Shiela. They have made me whole. I had a lot of missing pieces; they solved my puzzle.

Hopefully, I am able to harness the present and enjoy the future.

Turning down an offer

For the nth time, I turned down a job offer from a former client. It has been over two years now since I pre-terminated our engagement due to professional reasons, yet they are still enthusiastic about working with me. I must have declined, either directly or indirectly, four or five times previously.

I am glad to be in a position wherein I could casually walk away from a deal. Maybe if I were that hard up it would have been a different story, but I do not think so. It is not me.

Obviously, despite my falling out with the former client, they are still interested in my services. Truly satisfying. However, the question is: Can I work with them again? Unless I am able to convince myself, I would not be willing to engage.

The culture of an organization is a reflection of its leadership. When cash is king, values are usually distorted. Where there are sacred cows, the groundswell of discontent is broad. When deceit is the norm, honesty will be foreign. Where moral ascendancy is deficient, there thrives the vultures.

Nothing that cannot be fixed; however, change must be embraced. I tried tirelessly to inject principled leadership. Sadly, it was not welcome at all. Shortly after, I threw in the towel. Neither did I want to waste my time nor their corporate money. Futile! Unless the top is revamped, no Houdini will ever be successful.

The problem with a far-from-upright man like me, having depleted my ideals to the brink, I am no longer capable of flexibility. I am holding on to whatever is left in order that I do not lose my self-respect.

My stepmom: her thoughts

I finally got to learn things about my stepmom. In one of our conversations, she confessed that her problem now is how to tell her daughter, my half-sister, about my dad's previous marriage and eldest son: me. I just said, "that's life."

Sins of long ago could really haunt you. I have had my share of misdeeds and, admittedly, they scare me to this day. Mistakes are meant to be corrected, that is what I am doing with my life.

I do not fault no one for the past. I could not question God "why." OK, I may have tried comprehending His plans before, but I am a changed man now to pressure Him any further. I am but a speck, we all are. In the end, I submitted everything up and felt good.

My half-sister is 31 years old now, yet I have not known her even for a day. Will we ever be able to make up for lost time? I doubt it. One can never buy time.

I find my stepmom nice, and I admire her for opening up to me. It requires a lot to speak your heart to a total stranger. Yes, we could be friends, but friendship takes time too. I wonder how much more is left in our lives.

The dilemma of being an Ox

A couple of years back, I was tapped to fix a management mess that was fast incubating into a legal battle between the company and staff. The situation was not at all fun, but it was a challenge that I believed the company as a whole could hurdle.

My engagement involved recommending and implementing whatever was necessary to get the business back on track. My point person was the vice president and I was literally told: "Do your thing." I agreed and gave word, saying, "I will only put into action whatever is fair to all concerned."

Two days after being officially appointed as consultant, the president met up with me and talked me into what he thought was the best way out. To my surprise, he tried to influence me to execute the very policy that triggered all the chaos. Furthermore, I was reminded as to who actually hired me. I thought, what a convenient way to hire someone supposedly independent to carry out a psuedo recommendation, and an expensive way at that. Anyway, as a show of respect to the "boss," I listened, only listened though.

The next day, I gave my letter of resignation. I reasoned that my existence was being redundant, after having learned that a solution was already in place. Now, I reckon that I should have stopped there, but I went further to the effect of saying, "I could only do it if I were a man of lesser principles."

The company ended up not terminating our agreement and the board telling the president to back off. The decision proved to be sound as I was able to work my magic.

On hindsight, I should have acted in a more subtle manner. I guess that is the dilemma of being an Ox: not willing to compromise.

Overhaul my ride

I finally sent our 30 year old car for major mechanical work. It has been overdue for decades! I hope it does better than the usual 5-6 kilometers per liter once given the walking papers.

Seriously, I am quite impressed with the German technology behind such classic masterpiece. Designed to luxuriously cruise the Autobahn, the ride is as robust as you could imagine.

Well, my mom was not really raving about it when I drove her around. I know there are still restoration works that have to be done, but I had to refocus my efforts and funds elsewhere, leaving the project unfinished. Presently, I am just content with keeping the car in shape.

As for retirement, maybe soon. My wife and I are thinking of a younger replacement, not necessarily another tri-star.

The office

Today, I was expecting to receive our copy of the lease contract for an office space that we rented out. After all the formalities last Friday, I was told, "today it is." I guess I expected too much; I expected promptness.

Anyway, there is not really any issue since papers have already been signed, but what irritates me is the convenience of not honoring a commitment.

As a person, I am very easy to deal with. Take the aforesaid case in particular, I did a 30-minute ocular on Thursday then went back to write a check the next day.

When I commit, I deliver; hence, I require the same from others. Indeed the world is not perfect, but it is not enough excuse to justify laxity. At any rate, I am still pleased with the deal. The delay in sending out the contract is not worth calling off everything.

I thought maybe I am just too quick for some people, but I had to be even more for this one. The location was perfect (heart of the business district), rate was reasonably cheap (a space just across the street was actually cheaper), came with all the bells and whistles (infrastructure and all), and atmosphere was cozy (a value add that won me over).